Book lovers VS English majors: the Ultimate Faceoff

So maybe I'm hoping this post will light a few fires, piss a couple readers off. Maybe it's February and I'm bored and lookin' to pick a fight. I'm hopped up on a dinner of PB and ice cream and I DGAF.
I'll just up and say it: I'm an English major, not a "book lover". To me, there's a palpable, distinct difference. Both are OK, I guess. There are worse things you could be than a book lover. But I know what side of the line I'm on.
Let's see how book lovers and English majors duke it out.

Breaking the spine:

If you're a book lover, you cringe. You won't like the lines it makes on the outside of the spine, because it "wrecks" the cover picture or obscures the title. Maybe it makes the book feel floppy in your hands, and you fear that pages will fall out quicker because the spine has been cracked.
If you're an English major, you crack your spines the second you get the books in the door. You've got shit to do, woman! You're used to reading intense amounts on tight deadlines, and you don't have time to pry open tight, inflexible books. You needy our books to lie open on the desk in front of your laptop among your research materials, highlighters, and pencils so that you can get the right quotation for your paper.

Writing, highlighting and underlining on the pages:

Again, book lovers FREAK OUT over this. They like pristine, brand new pages without "ugly" marks on it.
English majors? Appalled at "blank" pages. I kid you not, I was kicked out of class when my book we were reading for post-colonial wasn't marked up. Why? Because the prof could tell that I either hadn't read it, or I hadn't read it closely enough. I don't care that I've graduated; I don't care that the prof isn't inspecting my pages. There's always a pen or pencil on my ear while I read-- even if just to underline a pretty passage.

Dog-eared pages:

I've actually had a friend lend me a book and specify "please don't dog-ear the pages." Of course, I respected her wishes, but Christ. An English major practically has a dog earring system! I know I do: I dog ear the nearest corner (top or bottom) closest to the quotation I want to be able to find again on the fly. It's not always convenient to have a bookmark: they fall out, they get lost, sometimes they're bulky. Dog earring is a surefire way to remember what page you've left off.

Hardcovers VS paperback:

Now, I don't mind a good hardcover when one falls in my lap, but as a rule, English major don't covet them. They're bulky and heavier to carry around. For English majors, books are trophies no matter what shape or size they are; being a fancy hardcover doesn't make that book any more "read" or any more of an achievement. People who obsess over hardcovers are just itching to put the book on display on their shelf and show it off.

New VS used:

Again, book lovers are all about the aesthetics of the book: is it shiny and pretty? Does it have a dust-jacket? Avoid all unsightly rips and bends! English majors, used to buying dozens of books per term, are all about the used books. Hell, I practically keep my local used bookstore in business all on my own. At the end of the day, a book lover is concerned about how the book will appear when it becomes a part of the decor; an English major is just in for the read.

Lending VS Hoarding:

This one's a toughie. I can see some book lovers being too prissy to lend their books out. But I'm sure there are tons of generous ones too. Personally, I enjoy spreading the love-- but don't forget to return them! A colleague once asked why I cared so much about getting my book back; if I'd already read it, why did I "need" it returned? At the time I was perplexed an gave no answer. But now I know why: I like to re-read shit. And I like the re-read stuff with my notes in it. That battered $2 paperback of A Tale of Two Cities? The only copy in the entire world with MY notes in it!

Now, we can't all go to university and study literature; we kind of need engineers and math teachers and all that jazz. But I don't think a diploma is necessarily what makes you an English major. It's about knowing that "beat up" really means "well loved" and "falling apart" really means "has had a good, long life." I treat my books like I treat all my material possession; even how I treat my body. These things are meant to be used, stretched, challenged, bent, broken, scarred, tested. Nobody ever created anything to be under a cloche or hidden away. "Special occasion" gear? Every day is a special occasion! Right now, I'd like to quote from G. K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy about every day miracles and appreciating life; but I can't because my broken-down, dog-eared book with the highlighted, flagged, and underlined quotes is back at the other house!