Jem's Reindeer Roundup

So by now you've realized that if you follow WTD, you're going to hear a lot about animals. We're kooky for critters, passionate about our pets, and adore and admire the animal kingdom. Had enough alliteration?
Anyway, I don't go in much for angels and Santas at Christmastime. Elves and snowflakes get very little of my attention. Creches with little baby Jesus inspire me to reconfigure them in rather rude postures. (Think of Mary wearing a tiny "I'm with stupid" sign pointed at a certain Joseph and you'll get what I mean) ((Sorry in advance for offending you)).
But my lifelong, non-cynical, still-feeling-the-Christmas-wonderment OBSESSION is with reindeer.
I was the kid who made sure next to Santa's cookies and milk were carrots and water for his fleet. Rudolph, that sexist, corny old claymation movie is, for me, the apex of cinematography. And yes, at 24 years old, I still tune in to ReindeerCam.com...just to watch those fuzzy, antlered cuties hang out.
So, as I window-shop my way through this Christmas without a penny in my pocket or a home of my own to decorate, let me present the cutest, weirdest, downright tackiest reindeer I've encountered so far this season.

Classic white-on-white PRANCER

This beauty was in a store window at the mall. Not sure if he's actually for sale, but he's definitely for the savvy shopper who wants to get in the spirit without sacrificing style. Note his majestic pose: arched neck, upturned face, one poised leg... and those curvaceous, mythic antlers! He's even coated in a sheer shine of white glitter. 

"There are two kinds of people on this earth: everyone else and you." Definitely BLITZEN.

Who else could be this bold?  This sparkly gold Canadian tire moose says: "Fuck reindeer! I can plow down a car, a beer is named after me... for sure I can pull a sleigh."  I guess you would display this big fella in your yard if regular reindeer just "aren't enough" for you.

Elegant DANCER from Canadian Tire.

Light up your yard with a whole fleet of Dancers: in soft gold lighting, and not in some stupid grazing pose, this sturdy girl looks like she's on the move and ready to deliver toys to girls and boys.

Cutest Couple: COMET and CUPID

OMG AREN'T THEY JUST ADORABLE?!  Available from Costco in giant yard size and smaller inside size, I think they're made out of heavy duty coated ceramic.  And they come with "leather" jingle bell harness/wreaths. Look at Comet, just wishin' on a star. And Cupid, just lovingly looking up at him, lounging in the warmth of their romance.  Ah-mazing.

Nice try, driftwood DONNER. "A" for effort. "A" is also for "Antlers?????"

This strange Canadian Tire reindeer is trying hard to do that "nature, reclaimed wood, up-cycling, home-made goodness" thing, but he falls short. For one, where are his antlers? Two, why does he look like a child just glued together some jenga blocks and dowels? Still, I would take little reject Donner home in a heartbeat... he could be a talking point!

Daring DASHER Decimates Driftwood Donner.

So, right next to poor, weird Driftwood Donner is another moose. This one at least looks like he's made out of birch and bark, has antlers, and his hysterical moose beard (which he grew for Movember). I'm liking the natural looking wreath complete with pinecones and holly berries. You could even say he looks "dashing" in it.

Head-turning VIXEN

White as snow and covered in sparkles, this lil' lady is strutting her stuff, flicking her tail and casting a sultry glance over her shoulder. She's also available posing with her adorable, flawless nose pointed perfectly in the air-- they way all pretty reindeer girls do.

 Wanna-be Rudolph sucking up to Santa

Well, there's no red nose in site at my local mall's Santa village, but the reindeer frolicking amongst the candy canes, glittery gifts and plasticy-plush Santa throne are whimsical (in a very 2013 kind of way). I liked this one because he is sporting both a onesie and a toque/sleeping cap, which is so very Night Before Christmas. However, he is also making kind of a "blah" face.  Like, he really isn't in the mood to be serving the Big Man in Red his cookies and milk.  And I kind of don't want to be thinking about reindeer slavery right now.

TO BE CONTINUED AS I FIND MORE REINDEER...

It happened!  I found more reindeer!  Here they are:

Seen at Taffy lane in Ottawa!

Amazing decorations at Taffy lane.

One of my christmas presents!

Didn't Max just make the cutest, albeit reluctant "reindeer"?